Before I dive into the gist I have prepared today, I just want to let y’all know that I would be writing from the female point of view also and from the pov’s of my girlfriends and their experience with this.
You ever asked that Godforsaken question ‘what are we’ or worst being ghosted or ever having dating problems without the dating part and honestly this hurts a bucket loads more than when these issues come up when you are dating someone.
Some of us find ourselves moving through different people over the many years, with different kinds of experience you gain from being involved with one person or the other while others spend the years with ‘one’ and although I don’t understand it, I appreciate those kinds.
While some of us would rather enjoy the single life for a myriad of reasons that’s unique to one person alone.
Humans spend a good part of their lives looking for a ‘partner’ a good one to either compliment them or complete them, whatever the case may be, I want to focus on the mental stress behind it as it can be overwhelming when it gets bad.,
I heard somewhere that before the right one eventually comes by, a lot of wrongs come along before the right hits you along the way especially since life can throw you lots of curveballs (it is what it is) and those curveballs tend to hit us when it hurt the most.
Back to that darn question of ‘what are we’ or a ghosting situation-how do you pull yourself out of the emotional state that such thing leaves you in or as the person that does it how manage?
With some people that tend to wear their hearts on a sleeve, this could be quite brutal especially when you make that mistake of giving a lot to a person who won’t reciprocate and funny how the little signs are these (red flags), but looking through the rose colored glass becomes the normal for some doesn’t it.
The first question in our minds when we hear of abused victims in a relationship is ‘why didn’t they leave” and I felt the same way and asked these questions until a book changed my perspective about this titled –it ends with us by colleen hoover- I learnt it’s easier to judge as an outsider, but when you are in it it’s much harder to take off those rose colored glasses.
Sorry for the detour, okay so, I’ve seen firsthand how two incredible friends of mine break themselves into bits because someone failed them and then the question comes flooding in- is it something I did? Am I not enough? Will I ever be enough? Was I just used? –some have been there and some haven’t and I thank God for that.
Obviously, you know it’s not the end of the world; it’s just one thing in life you move through and learn from. The urge to go back might be there, but if you do so, I think you’d be doing yourself a major disservice.
You might never know the why and that’s perfectly fine. Closure is overrated anyways. In a situation where you still see such person maybe picking up girls while picking up the pieces of your heart that would probably suck but you got to suck it up and move and ensure you refocus those emotions and before the getting over part, the part in-between can be turned into art or something profound, but whining to your friends could also help.
The downside of falling –the ugly hits, the broken trust, the change of hearts, the insincere apologies amongst others- shouldn’t overshadow the upside and beautiful part of it. The thorns don’t overshadow the rose does it?
Truth is, it probably doesn’t faze the other person and they’re just cruising through life on high, so why should you dig yourself into the lowest of the lows.
Keep up the good work baby girl 🤲🏿